Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
