Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
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