I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
