I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my being single is dangerous.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
