Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
