Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
