We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
