i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
