Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
