He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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