**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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