I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
