Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
