My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
