Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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