She's JV to your varsity
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Pants are for mortals
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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