Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
