Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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