I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
