there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
