so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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