Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
