is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
