she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
