just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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