Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
