So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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