At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
