Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
