I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
