I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
