i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Will exercising make me less horny?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
