there's paper in my vomit.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
