Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
