Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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