My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I take back everything I said about communal showers
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
