How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
