Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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