So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
