the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize