At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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