the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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