2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
