I heard we made out
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
