so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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