I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize