tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
