so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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