The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We left the knife in your bed.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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