dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
