Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
