Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
