if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
