I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
