i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
