She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i believe in u and ur pee
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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