Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
