i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
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We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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