dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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