Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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