you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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