don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
