I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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