I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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