so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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